James G. Thurber (1894—1961)
作者瑟勃出生于美国俄亥俄（Ohio）州之Columbus。他是美国现代幽默大师，文画双绝。他的漫画以臃肿而懦弱的男人，臃肿而凶横的女人，以及神经质的狗为题材，最能反映病态的西方文明社会。他的著作很多，如Further Fables for Our Time，所收为供成人阅读的伊索寓言式的故事。这篇《大学生活回忆》原为他的自传My Life and Hard Times（1933）里的一章，现在选择“植物学课”和“经济学课”的几段，在这里发表。（录自Modern Library出版的《美国最佳幽默小说集》（Best American Humorous Short Stories）。美国式的幽默，通常以胡闹与胡说（nonsense）为主，不一定有什么尖刻的讽刺，或是高尚的含义。中国近代知识分子，大多推崇高级的幽默，而鄙视低级的滑稽。其实喜剧与悲剧，历史同样久远；喜剧主要的目的是叫人笑，并不一定有什么明确的教训。莎士比亚的幽默，胡闹与胡说的成份很多，但是莎士比亚的喜剧天才，同他的悲剧天才一样受到举世的称颂。这几段文章的描写可能夸张，记事不一定忠实，问题是看读者觉得好笑不好笑了。
I passed all the other courses that I took at my University, but I could never pass botany. This was because all botany students had to spend several hours a week in a laboratory looking through a microscope at plant cells, and I could never see through a microscope. I never once saw a cell through a microscope. This used to enrage my instructor. He would wander around the laboratory pleased with the progress all the students were making in drawing the involved and, so I am told, interesting structure of flower cells, until he came to me. I would just be standing there. /"I can/'t see anything,/" I would say. He would begin patiently enough, explaining how anybody can see through a microscope, but he would always end up in a fury, claiming that I could too see through a microscope but just pretend that I couldn/'t. /"It takes away from the beauty of flowers anyway,/" I used to tell him. /"We are not concerned with beauty in this course,/" he would say. /"We are concerned solely with what I may call the mechanics of flars,/" /"Well,/" I/'d say, /"I can/'t see anything./" /"Try it just once again,/" he/'d say, and I would put my eye to the microscope and see nothing at all, except now and again a nebulous milky substance—a phenomenon of maladjustment. You were supposed to see a vivid, restless clockwork of sharply defined plant cells, /"I see what looks like a lot of milk,/" I would tell him. This, he claimed, was the result of my not having adjusted the microscope properly, so he would readjust it for me, or rather, for himself. And I would look again and see milk.
● that I took的took有“修读”之意。my University指Ohio State University。
● botany students：修植物学的学生。（同样的，English students 指修读英语的学生。）microscope：显微镜。plant cells：植物细胞。I could never see：事实上，Thurber确有眼疾，近年几已成盲人。他写稿时，字写得很大，一张纸上只写寥寥数十字。但他仍写文作画不辍，精神可佩。
● instructor：狭义是“讲师”（大学教员的一个等级），广义是“授课的先生”。这儿用的是广义，因为这位先生是一个“教授”。
● He would：这一段里would用得很多，表示过去的习惯。pleased是过去分词，形容主语He，教授看见全班学生在画细胞图，心里很高兴。the progress all the students were making：这里progress的意思，不是“进步”，而是“进行”——先画了一个轮廓，然后愈画愈详细。structure：（花卉细胞之）结构。这种结构是复杂的（involved），据说（so I am told）也是有趣的。
● standing there：大家都在埋头作画，我只是站着。
● end up：他开头很耐心地对我解释，显微镜里的细胞是人人看得见的；最后总要大发雷霆（fury），说我一定也看得见的，只是假装（pretending）看不见而已。claim=to assert or maintain as a fact。
● It takes away from中的It指在显微镜中看花这件事。takes在这里是不及物动词。takes away from：减损。anyway：不管显微镜里看得见看不见细胞。
● concerned with：所关心者，所注意者。
● mechanics：机械结构之学。花是有生命的东西，当然和没有生命的机械不同，但是细胞的结构，其配合整齐，亦可与机械结构相比。故教授说“我可以称之为花的机械结构的学问”。flars：教授读flowers时，嘴张得太大，读成了这个音。
● now and again：有时。nebulous：云雾状的。milky：牛奶状的。a phenomenon of maladjustment：因调整不良（显微镜的焦距没有对好）而产生的现象。
● You：泛指看显微镜的人。restless：活动不息的。clockwork：发条机械；呼应前面的mechanics。sharply defined：轮廓鲜明的。
● for me, or rather, for himself：与其说为我调整，不如说为他自己调整。教授调整好了，他自己先看。
I finally took a deferred pass, as they called it, and waited a year and tried again. (You had to pass one of the biological sciences or you couldn/'t graduate.) The professor had come back from vacation brown as a berry, brightened, and eager to explain cell-structure again to his classes. /"Well,/" he said to me, cheerily when we met in the first laboratory hour of the semester, /"we/'re going to see cells this time, aren/'t we?/" /"Yes, sir,/" I said. Students to right of me and to left of me and in front of me were seeing cells; what/'s more, they were quietly drawing pictures of them in their notebooks. Of course, I didn/'t see anything.
● deferred pass：重修后给学分（延迟的及格）。as they called it：学生手则上有这样一个名称。（they系泛指。）
● You同上段的You一样，也是泛指。在那所大学里读书，必须选修一门生物科学（动物学、植物学、生理学、遗传学等），否则不得毕业。
● vacation：美国人喜欢到山上海边去度暑假，回来的时候，皮肤晒得红红的（应该说是“棕色的”，但是中国人不大说“棕色的”）。
● the first laboratory hour：本学期第一堂实验课。
● were seeing：see用进行式，是不常见的。但这里应该用进行式：教授和我谈话的时候，同学们都在看显微镜；非但是看（looking through），而且都从显微镜里看见细胞。
/"We/'ll try it,/" the professor said to me grimly, /"with every adjustment of the microscope known to man. As God is my witness, I/'ll arrange this glass so that you see cells through it or I/'ll give up teaching. In twenty-two years of botany, I—/" He cut off abruptly for he was beginning to quiver all over, like Lionel Barrymore.
● grimly：教授的脸沉下去了。known to man：全人类所知道的调整显微镜的方法本来只有这么几种，教授都给用上了。
● As God is my witness：赌咒的话——你这次再看不见细胞，我就不（give up）吃这碗教书饭了。
● cut off abruptly：话突然停住。教授愈说愈气，全身发抖。
● Lionel Barrymore：当年有名的性格演员，擅演暴躁易怒的老人。
So we tried it with every adjustment of the microscope known to man. With only one of them did I see anything but blackness or the familiar lacteal opacity, and that time I saw, to my pleasure and amazement, a variegated constellation of flecks, specks and dots. These I hastily drew. The instructor, noting my activity, came back from an adjoining desk, a smile on his lips and his eyebrows high in hope. He looked at my cell drawing. /"What/'s that?/" he demanded, with a hint of squeal in his voice. /"That/'s what I saw,/" I said. /"You didn/'t, you didn/'t, you didn/'t!/" he screamed, losing control of his temper instantly, and he bent over and squinted into the microscope. His head snapped up. /"That/'s your eye!/" he shouted. /"You/'ve fixed the lens so that it reflects! You/'ve drawn your eye!/"
● with every adjustment：套用前面教授的话。
● with only one of them：用各种调整方法，我所看见的只是一片黑暗，或是平常那种牛奶状（lacteal）的模糊一团（opacity）。opacity的形容词形式是opaque。lacteal意同前面的milky；只是lacteal的字源是拉丁文；milky的字源是盎格鲁撒克逊文。可是有一次调整对了，我所见不同。那一次，我看见了很多斑斑点点（flecks, specks and dots），聚成一堆（constellation：星座），形状斑驳复杂（variegated），我大为惊喜。
● noting my activity：见到我在画图了。adjoining desk：隔壁那张桌子。his eyebrows high in hope：教授满怀希望，眉毛抬得老高。
● a hint of squeal：声音里有点尖声惨叫的味道。you didn/'t：似为you didn/'t see that之略。squinted：眯着眼睛往里看。
● snapped up：头猛地一抬。
● lens：透镜。reflects：反射，这里用作不及物动词。笨学生所看见的，原来是自己眼睛的反影！
Another course that I didn/'t like, but somehow managed to pass, was economics. I went to that class straight from the botany class, which didn/'t help me any in understanding either subject. I used to get them mixed up. But not as mixed up as another student in my economics class who came there direct from a physics laboratory. He was a tackle on the football team, named Bolenciecwcz. At that time Ohio State University had one of the best football teams in the country, and Bolenciecwcz was one of its outstanding stars. In order to be eligible to play it was necessary for him to keep up in his studies, a very difficult matter, for while he was not dumber than an ox he was not any smarter. Most of his professors were lenient and helped him along. None gave him more hints, in answering questions, or asked him simpler ones than the economics professor, a thin, timid man named Bassum.
● another course：生物学之外，经济学他也不喜欢；但是他总是不知怎么想法子“弄”（managed）及格的。
● straight：直接地。一上完生物学，就去上经济学。which：这两门课，连着上（这点事实）。either：两样东西之任何一样。
● get them mixed up：把两门功课混淆起来。
● But not…：此句不完全，仅是补充前句的mixed up。direct：这个字同前面的straight一样，用作副词。
● tackle：截球员（美国式足球球员中之一角色）。Bolenciecwcz：此人恐怕是波兰裔；名字的读音很难，读者可不必深究。
● eligible：有入选资格。to keep up in his studies：各门都及格；有一门不及格，就不可以参加比赛。dumber：较笨。smarter：较聪明。
● lenient：宽；特别客气。helped him along：帮他及格。注意：along有“前进”之意。
● thin, timid man：这样一个“瘦怯怯”的教授，同这个其笨如牛的学生，正好成一滑稽的对照。教授要帮学生及格，发问的时候，大多给他暗示（give him hints），免得他多费脑筋思索，或者问些很容易的题目（simpler ones=simpler questions）；但是讲到暗示之多，题目之容易，没有一位教授比得上这位经济学教授的。
One day when we were on the subject of transportation and distribution, it came Bolenciecwcz/'s turn to answer a question. /"Name one means of transportation,/" the professor said to him. No light came into the big tackle/'s eyes. /"Just any means of transportation,/" said the professor, /"any medium, agency, or method of going from one place to another./" Bolenciecwcz had the look of a man who is being led into a trap. /"You may choose among steam, horse-drawn, or electrically propelled vehicles,/"said the instructor, /"I might suggest the one which we commonly take in making long journeys across land./"
● transportation and distribution：运输与分配（经济学的一个题目）。
● it came Bolenciecwcz/'s turn：这里的it用语法家Jespersen的术语，应该是preparatory /"it/"的一种。it就是turn，不过这个字先出来，为名词turn作一准备。句法结构大致同下句相仿：
It/'s no use crying over spilt milk.
● 教授的用字太深，为笨学生所不能理解：means of transportation（交通工具）。教授看见学生瞠目不知所对（眼睛里没有光）就换一种说法：any medium, agency, or method of going from one place to another，那时学生更觉糊涂，脸上的表情就像一个被人家设圈套愚弄的人一样。
● 教授叫学生任意举一种交通工具，后来缩小范围，叫他任意举一种“车辆”（vehicles）：在蒸汽推动，马力拖曳，电力推动各种车辆中任举一种。
● the one：这种车辆。take：乘坐。在陆地上长距离旅行乘坐的车辆，应该是火车。
There was a profound silence in which everybody stirred uneasily, including Bolenciecwcz and Mr. Bassum. Mr. Bassum abruptly broke this silence in an amazing manner. /"Choo-choochoo,/" he said, in a low voice, and turned instantly scarlet. He glanced appealingly around the room. All of us, of course, shared Mr. Bassum/'s desire that Bolcnciecwcz should stay abreast of the class in economics, for the Illinois game, one of the hardest and most important of the season, was only a week off. /"Toot, toot, too—tooooooot!/" some student with a deep voice moaned, and we all looked encouragingly at Bolenciecwcz. Somebody else gave a fine imitation of a locomotive letting off steam. Mr. Bassum himself rounded off the little show. /"Ding, dong, ding, dong,/" he said, hopefully. Bolenciecwcz was staring at the floor now, trying to think, his great brow furrowed, his huge hands rubbing together, his face red.
● 题目问得如此之浅，而学生仍旧答不出来。班上虽然大家不开口，但是人人都有点不安的骚动。
● Choo-choo-choo：火车的声音。教授模仿了这种声音，自己觉得不好意思，脸上立刻绯红。
● appealingly：请求（帮助）地。教授没有办法了，且看同学中有没有人能够打开这个僵局。
● shared Mr. Bassum/'s desire：同具此感。教授的尊称用Mr.在美国大学里是很普通的。通常美国各大学的概况里课程名称与内容一章，对于授课教员一律称之为Mr.，不管他的身份是教授或副教授。stayed abreast of：跟得上；不留级。
● the Illinois game：大概是和University of Illinois比赛的一场足球赛。the season：足球季节；美国通常是在秋季。only a week off：还有一个星期就要比球了，假如此君这个题目答不上来，校队就要少一员大将。
● Toot, toot…：这个声音更像火车了。encouragingly：以鼓励的眼光看他。
● letting off steam：火车头排气的声音。
● the little show：上课成了口技表演了。rounded off：使圆满结束。
● Ding, dong：火车站的钟声。hopefully：期待地（这下子他总该答得出来了）。
● great和huge二字表示其人的魁梧。brow furrowed：蹙额。
/"How did you come to college this year, Mr. Bolenciewcz?/" asked the professor. /"Chuffa chuffa, chuffa chuffa./"
/"M/'father sent me,/" said the football player.
/"What on?/" asked Bassum.
/"I git an /'lowance,/" said the tackle, in a low, husky voice, obviously embarrassed.
/"No, no,/" said Mr. Bassum. /"Name a means of transportation. What did you ride here on?/"
/"Train,/" said Bolenciecwcz.
/"Quite right,/" said the professor. /"Now, Mr. Nugent, will you tell us—/"
● M/'father=my father。What on? 教授问他是坐什么车，但是on字意义很多，学生误会是问他靠什么来维持生活的（例如live on），所以回答说是“有一笔津贴”。git当是got，这位学生发音是不准的。an/'lowance=an allowance。
● 最后总结算答对了，教授又问另一个学生Mr. Nugent别的问题了。全班那时当然松了一口气，这些话都不必说。作者的文字很简练，要言不烦，幽默而不流入油滑，作者自己似乎是板起了脸来叙述这一段有趣的故事的。莎士比亚说：Brevity is the soul of wit.旨哉斯言。